Preparing myself to say goodbye to the Things.

For from him and to him and through him are all things. To him be the glory, Forever, Amen. Romans 11:36

Things. The nursery that was meant to be hers is FULL of things. And, though we had planned for visitors to stay in her room, and her in ours... she is in Gods, and that room shouldn't be left to be filled with "things" that no one uses. Well, that is a lie. I use it. I sit and meditate about the times when I'd sit and meditate, feeling her little kicks, about the future. I sometimes write to her there, or play my guitar.. sometimes the two happen together.. but we don't need to talk about the lack of songwriting skills I've had lately. Instead.. I have a much greater purpose for writing this.

When people pass, I find that we sometimes have a habit of associating THINGS with them. I, for example, sleep with her elephant blanket every night. It's the blanket that I placed on her as I held her in the hospital. I sometimes kiss it. I know its not her... but in my head.. its a link to her. I've made boundries for this.. it doesn't leave the house, and I only really hold it when I start really missing her... and am on the borderline of crying. But, It's a thing. Eventually.. I'm going to have to go without it.

Her box that came home from the hospital, I started a very.. very bad habit... and realized it. I used the box as a way to talk to her.. which I realized was SUPER silly that THAT is the only place she can hear me. I've started talking to her in general... realizing that she can hear me all the time, and that box is not her. It's a great thing to be able to meditate on her bodily details.. but it's a horrible place to become completely self-indulged, and forget what her true purposes were. I'm not saying it's a bad thing.. I thank god daily for the pictures inside it, her tiny prints, and the snippet of hair. I just know, that if left to my own mind, that box could quickly become a place where I cry in secret, and hide my thoughts, and let them build and linger.

In the midst of all of these emotions, and "things", are the things we have to keep, sell, and give. It's honestly the one thing I've been dreading. I had her bedding custom made, and I had decided before her birth that this bedding was going to be saved for future grand-babies. It will now be saved for future babies and grandbabies. There are dresses that I will save in hopes for Sophia to have a baby sister, but will also be saved for grandbabies. There are items that I just cannot part with for sentimental reasons... and things I could toss without a second thought, and yet.. fulfilling the task of clearing out that room is the most dreaded thing.

AND. It's happening tomorrow. Guests arrive Monday. Can i tell you how much i wish i could be an ostritch right now?! Head in the sand!? Sigh. I could use the biggest amounts of prayers!! Hopefully, my neighbor, who lost a son as an infant from a fragile bone condition, may come help, which honestly.. would be a blessing, and would help me heal. Can I honestly say how amazing it is the number of people I now know who have lost an infant or who have had a still birth? Helps a ton knowing your not the only person on the planet who's gone through this.

Hopefully, tomorrow i can get rid of the "things", and start focusing on her blessings.

And for anyone following the Random Acts of Kindness event on facebook, we are up to 674 participants on facebook! Praise God!!