The Things we Prepared for you

"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.  You know the way to the place where I am going." John 14 2-4

Sometimes, I like to close my eyes and believe that your heavenly room is filled with wonderous things... That your crib is made of gold, and you have a mobile of tiny hot air balloons that truely fly above you as you sleep. Sometimes I sit in your room, and think that yours mimics it's appearance, and that right where I'm sitting is your great grandmother, with whom you share a birthday, and shes rocking you as I rock empty arms. But mostly, mostly i like to believe that god put your nursery we made for you in a frame above your crib, so that you can watch mommy... and that helps me to be strong. Soon, your nursery will be packed away into boxes until a baby sister, or in the long future a niece to you, is born. But, I hope that frame stays open to us... and that you know Mommy and Daddy love you more than we even know how to love. 

I know the things we prepared for you are just that.. things. They were full of hopes and dreams that we mediatated on, and they were carefully purchased and saught after by us for you. I never thought, "I wonder how I will be able to sell this after she's gone," or "Will this be as important as it is right now to me, when she can't use it." I never thought I'd have to be preparing myself for not bringing you into that room. I don't know that you can ever really prepare for that. 

I know that your heavenly room, and home, is amazing. And I know your so loved up there, and so taken care of... There are no recalls in heaven. Nothing will ever break on you, and there are no motion monitors needed. You never go hungry, or have to cry to tell someone what you need... they know. I pray every night that you sleep soundly, and that you have an amazing day, and I know those two things happen. But still.. There is this empty room in our house. But, my angel, I hope you know you are always welcome to visit. Your brother always tells us when he sees butterflies in the backyard, and I like to think that you are sending them here... Just to tell us Hi.