Date night (Moms here!) And.. husbands confessions.

HUGE praise, my mom is here, and spoiling us rotten as usual. Again, our families are from Washington state, and we are in Virginia... so flying to see them is a hard concept, and vice-versa. My mom has been amazing at visiting once a year, and my dad seems to alternate years when he comes with her. He loves our kids, and spoils us worse, so i think for finances, my mom leaves the poor guy at home... where he doesn't have to say no.

We were blessed enough to go on a date night last night. Last year, for a few months, I had a job working as a waitress at the Olive Garden, and we decided that was where we would go. I figured most of the people I worked with would be gone, and how wrong I was, as an old friend greeted our table. I knew, again, I would have to talk about Sophia. I was pregnant when I left the job, and they knew about our previous losses. Honestly, my ectopic from the previous year was why I got the job. I wanted to feel normal, and have a break from my kids.. it was a much darker time for me.

I ended up telling her, and showing her the picture I have in my wallet of her.

She said her sorrys, and chatted before going on to her normal duties. Another girl I worked with came over, and I ended up recieveing hugs, and another opportuinity to share he photo, and explain why she left us. That is still hard. Why she left us.

I could tell my husband was having a hard time... as all of this was happening, he kept pulling out his cell phone, for safety.. something to distract his mind. When I asked him on the way out to the car if it bothered him when I talk about her, he said no... but I now know thats not completely true.

My husband lost his daughter. A while later, as we pulled into a target parking lot (Oh yes.. we have WILD and crazy date nights...) He explained that he was mad... mad that she was taken from us. He was upset at our church... they had just done another "Circle Maker" sermon, and a couple came up to say how they prayed and prayed for their house to sell... and it did finally for more than the asking price. I saw him cry in church.. but didn't say anything. We both just cry randomly.. I didn't know it was out of anger.

I'm afraid that my husbands losing faith.. he's saying hes not... but I am scared for him. He was angry they prayed for something so materialistic.. and got it answered. When Soph was born he prayed so hard... so much for her to breathe and just wake up and be fine.. there are documented cases where babies wake up from things and turn out fine. I knew it wouldn't happen. This was gods plan. He's mad at that, and I can't blame him. I just can't seem to undestand why hes THIS mad, that he lets others happiness upset him. They don't know true love. We do. I will thank god for her teaching us that daily....

So. We ended up having a great date night. We ate amazing food, and got treated to pumpkin cheesecake from my old co-workers, we went to the mall to remember they close early on Sundays... went to Target and bought nothing, but had fun being silly, and came home to play Mario Party, and Catan with my mom. The best part of the night. It was the first night I didn't cry myself to sleep. I just hope, we both get to a point where we can cry together, and feel peace. I feel peace.