Motions of Emotions RAK DAY

Today marks one month since Sophia was born, and the Random Act of Kindness day my cousins set up in her honor. The numbers are now at 1,123 people who attended, by doing a random act of kindness.

Today was difficult emotionaly. My husband went back to work, and I was struggling FOR him. He told me his day went O kay, but he missed her.. and it was hard. I knew it would be.. he can't just distract himself with the boys or me... its right there infront of him. He taped a 3-D of Sophia's face up before we lost her.. I wonder if that sprung things... seeing that. He said people asked.. I knew they would.. and i wonder what his responses were. My heart is breaking all over again.

For Random Act of Kindness day, I decided I couldn't just pick something. Nothing would ever be BIG enough for my Soph. Nothing. So, I decided to write her name and my blog on one side of a tag, and another babies name and angel date on the front of it, and figured whatever strikes my fancy... I'll just do and add a tag.

My mom and my boys and I got in the car and headed to the hospital. My mom, and a neighbor had made hats for the nursery. I also wanted to ask about an Idea I had about making Micro-premie "outfits" for the early loss moms. It was surreal being there.. in the post partum ward. The one place we never got to... we didn't want to go there... and yet.. i was there.

We went to McDonalds for lunch, and I bought a Kids Meal for the next kid who happened to come in, and passed a tag along.

After, I decided that I wanted to help our church, and do something for the kids  at the park, since thats the act another mom did that inspired this entire thing. We ended up sweeping and mopping the theatre room, and all I could think of was her that entire time. I shared her story to two people there, and passed 2 tags along, and as I finished up, my mom took the boys to pick out items to put out at the park. I dropped them back off at the house for nap time, and put the items out, with tags, and a sign explaining they were for making memories. I can't believe how much I shook putting those out. I needed Andrew there. I got out as quickly as possible.

I then went to get the medical records we needed, tried to get, and ended up with the wrong ones last week.On the way out I picked up a bottle of water, and gave money for the next Cash gas buyer. I decided I needed to see my OB and the nurses, and brought them brownies and caramels, which I bought at the store, and ended up chasing down, returning, and then holding a cart for an elderly lady outside. I brought the brownies, and got hugs and shared her photo with the nurses. I felt great after that. I got her records, and headed home in an uplifted spirit.

THEN I read the stories of the things others have done. THAT changed my night. Today hasn't been the "best" day. I'm exhausted.. physically and emotionally I think I've pushed myself to the extreme... but I'm so thankful for today. I'm thankful for the lives Sophia's story has touched, and for those who were impacted by today. I'm thankful for the fact that the trials I've faced today are OVER, and we have a new day tomorrow. I'm thankful her Urn came, and its Prettier than expected, AND we found a bracelet at Things Remembered to act as her "marker" on her urn. I'm also thankful that my boys are healthy, and helped today. I'm most thankful, that god never gives up on us, and that we refuse to give up on him.

Thank you for today! I'd love for you to share your RAK in the comments below <3