What we need, as an angel family

Its been 4 weeks since I met and said see you later to my precious daughter. It has been a hard journey, but I wouldn’t trade the things I’ve learnt for anything. I still have my bumps… but this has been the saddest bump yet. The realization that, as I learn to live my life as a mom of yet another angel… so many around me aren’t willing to be beside me through it. It is okay… but If you really want to know what WE, as angel families need… read on.

1)      LOVE. Love us. Love our babies SOUL. Ask us about our angel. Some ideas: Ask us details about their looks. Ask us about their nursery. Ask us if there is something that reminds us of them. Ask us if we’ve seen signs from them lately. Talk about our angel. If you’ve seen signs, tell us. If you want to help, or ask a silly question.. ask. If you want to ask about our labor ASK. It might be HARD for us.. but we need to learn to live with what happened, and the best way, is to talk about it to a safe person.

2)      TRUST. Trust us. I feel like I’m going to break every day… trust me not to. Give me the chance to test waters. I thought for sure the baby isle was going to put me in a fit when Brice ran out of diapers.. it didn’t. I thought I’d cry the first time I held my friends son… I didn’t. Today, when I went to Janie and Jack and saw the outfit I wanted to buy Sophia for her first photos… I didn’t cry. I was happy for that reminder. TRUST me to need to test waters, and that I won’t break. If I do… Go to #1.

3)      MORN with me. If I cry… cry too. I need to be reminded I’m not alone in this. My tears are not the only ones being shed for her, and that is okay. Remind me that you are sad for her not being a part of this earth in the way we all hoped for months.

4)      BEFRIEND me. EVEN if we are close friends… I’m a new person. My life has completely changed. No.. I do not have lepersy. I’m not going to become a basket case. I will not have 24 cats. I will pray harder, I might cry a bit more, and I probably will love your kids more… Take me places. Ask me things. Call me and text me… invite me over, get to know me again. Please don’t avoid me.

5)      PRAY. Pray with me, for me, against me… Just pray. Lean on god through hardships, that will help me. Knowing your getting closer to god… means you and I aren’t so different. If you believe in him, please do this!

6)      MENTOR ME: I still have 2 boys at home, a husband, and I’m still an army wife. Help me grow still. If I make mistakes.. tell me! Do not be afraid of hurting my feelings… I need to grow.

7)      HONOR her. If you can’t do the above.. please honor her spirit. Love on someone… love your kids.. be thankful for what you have… this helps me so much!

I know I will lose some friends through this loss… I know it’s hard. IF You need to talk about it… I’m here. I know this sucks. I know it scares a lot of my pregnant friends.. but this is RARE. I’ve been scared of stillbirth through my entire pregnancy.. and it happened. We can’t change it. I already lost my baby.. my sooo wanted and beyond loved daughter. I don’t want to lose everything else around me. I hope this list helps, and I hope you all know… I’m never going to not be your friend. I do plan on being a better one, though.