TTC: The begining

I’m 4 weeks post partum now, and we have answers!

Thursday I went in for my post-partum check up. My mom came with, and sat in the waiting room, and my doula met us there to go back with me. She wanted to ask some questions, and take notes so she knew what to look for in future cases.

Our doctor believes the placental abruption was a fluke. He is completely heartbroken (as we knew.. the moment she came out his face dropped.. that saddened me). I reassured him we don’t blame him for anything, as we don’t.. we love that man to the moon and back. He really is, the greatest OBGYN. He doesn’t think I have a blood clotting disorder, but I’m getting tested to be sure. He will be my OB again when we get pregnant, and he will refer me to a High Risk specialist for my next pregnancy. I will also be induced at 37 weeks, but have to have an epidural… the moment we have a heart rate de-cell I will have a C-section. ALL Cards are to bring baby home next time.

I cried. It’s all so much to take in. My perfect daughter is in heaven, and that makes me happy, knowing shes safe. In not so long… Hopefully, I will be pregnant, and hopefully, will have these two amazing people with me, along with my husband, as we hear the first cry. I know Sophia is happy that she will someday be a big sister… and I know she will be in that room with us.

My doula spoke to me about another level of this I never thought of… IF I do have a blood clotting disorder.. it would be something that would be passed to my children. IF Sophia had lived… I’d never know to have that checked… she could have gone on to have this happen to her. Placental abruptions can be very dangerous.. you can bleed out… and very quickly. I was lucky the way it happened. She might not have been. It could have been written off as a fluke, and future granddaughters could have had this happen.. quite possibly… Sophia has saved future lives. Ontop of that, she has changed my OB’s heart when it comes to warning signs… and my doula and friend is now being trained in dealing with these kinds of births… only God knows how many lives will be saved by just that. Sophia is truly, an amazing soul.

We were given the go-ahead and TTC after one normal cycle, I’m crossing my fingers that’s soon. I never want to replace Sophia. I’m still scared to raise a daughter… I don’t know that that will ever change until I have an earthly daughter. I’m praying that we can give God the glory in this.. the great news that we can try again, I’m healthy, Sophia is safe and oh so loved, and that our family is stronger than ever.