Blessings: 8 weeks OUT, Parenting.

Its been 8 weeks and 2 days since we met Sophia.

I've been doing a LOT of praying on exactly how to make this post, because I don't want to seem insensitive to her loss... or towards any of our other losses.. but I do want to make it very clear that our lives have changed for the better because of her, and them.

The best I can tell you, is that our parenting has changed.

When I first became a parent, I sucked at it. I was 18, hadn't even finished High School yet, and was oblivious to what "life" looked like. YES. I worked, and went to college... but to me, parenting wasn't important.

I don't remember quite how it happened, but suddenly I found myself with a 6 month old son, and friends in college who had kids... and I just wanted to be "better".

What did better look like?

In my eyes: Simple.

My son had to be raised "better" than anyone elses. I wasn't snarky, or "your horrible" to anyone.. I just had a deep deep desire to be the best mom out there. He, of course, didn't have a dad at this time... so I felt the need to prove my family wrong.. my friends wrong.. and society wrong.

I began researching everything. I became anal, and as a result, my son is now.
Sanitizer, cloth diapers, organic food, wooden toys, Melissa and Doug everything, and Gymboree became my life. I worked diligantly to make sure we were not a "young single mom and her son" Image that the world has.

When I met my husband, our parenting slowly became something more. He is very religious, but obviously was young as well, and we both wanted the "best" for our kids. Our parenting morphed into an educational stand-point. Museums, parks, zoos... and I was still toting around a gymboree model. It felt like we knew what we were doing, because everyone said how amazing our son was, and complimented us constantly.

Matthew 19:14 was the first verse that came to mind when Sophia was born. Raising my two boys, I so thought I knew what I was doing... and I was nervous about parenting a girl my entire pregnancy. I took a parenting study last year called "raising responsive kids" and walked away feeling very good about how we parent, but still so afraid of how to be a good "mom." Today, I can honestly tell you I had NO idea how to parent before Sophia.

Parenting isn't a game of "Who has the best dressed kids." It isn't "who spends the most time with them" or "What foods they eat." It doesn't matter if you take them to the zoo, or in your back yard. The thing that defines whether or not you are a great parent.. is if you are raising them for the right reasons.

Honest time? Why did I want a daughter so bad? I thought My husbands mom might actually "love" me. She loves his kinda-sorta-daughter in the sense she shares his DNA.... maybe she'd love my daughter... maybe she'd love our boys then. Possibly, she'd love me. I wanted a daugther to experience raising her... but her closet would probably tell you exactly what I thought raising a daughter was. Self-obsessed. Honestly. I don't know that I deserved to be a mom to her. It breaks my heart to say it... but I don't think I was ready. I know I'm ready now.

You see, when you parent a child its not all the glamour of what people say it is. It's never easy, but we like to pretend it is.
Parenting a child consists of:

1) teaching them about GOD. First and formost, in everything they do.
2) Building great habits. Read your bible, pray, hygeine, good manners. Be an example of it... or they will think its just "kids stuff"
3) Build Friendships. Love everyone. Do not fight. Bless others with things you have.
4) Build Community relations. Love your neighbor. Volunteer. Be involved.
5) Build Self-worth. Army values. Responsibility to yourself, others, and God.
6) Build Challenges. Do not be stale, but be prosperous. Grow.
7) Assist them in spreading Gods word. Again, be an example, and LOVE others.

It doesn't matter what my kids wear, where they sleep, what they eat, or that their rooms are spotless. Thats just "this world" stuff. I think we've realized more than anything, that we have a bigger purpose. Heaven has become a solid real-life thing to us. God is an everyday thing to us.. not just an in the moment... hes a constant.

We will continue to take our kids to fun things, and eat well, but not because everyone else in the world thinks we "should." I want my kids to appreciate life, for all it is.

One thing I can say, I know we can survive a child with a fatal illness. I know we can survive carrying a baby to term, to watch them slip away silently. I know we can survive special needs, and needy children now. Why? This world isn't our home. Heaven is. As long as we keep our focus on what God has in store, I know he will carry us. I *thought* he carried us before... but oh how I was wrong.

Sophia is monument in our life. A marker of the first time I truely believed in God's grace, love, and patience. The first time I felt heavens reality, and knew exactly what we have to do as parents. It's the first time I believed in myself.