Bringing Home Sophia's Ashes

Today was a whirl-wind. I slept in while Hubby took the boys to the splash pad, and when I asked why, he said If I was sleeping in, I probably needed the sleep, so he didn't want to wake me. The past few days I was thinking of Sophia's body.. and evey possible thing that could go wrong in her body waiting for cremation. 2 hours after I posted my last blog post, we got the call that her ashes were ready for pick up, along with her certificates. Brice was napping, so we waited another few hours to go. We didn't tell either of the boys why we were going to the hospital. When our oldest asked, hubby told him we had to pick paperwork and some things up. When I asked him if we were going to tell Aiden, he said there really was no point. He'd just have a hundred questions, and he won't be able to understand. He was right. One day, we will explain her urn... but her ashes are just too far-fetched even to us.

When we arrived, Hubby spoke to the lady at the front desk while I took the boys to a small waiting room. He motioned for me to come over after the lady left, and we stood there while she took care of something out the front door, and came back. She then told us they had a few ladies in active labor, so it would be a moment or two, but to wait in the small chapel besides the waiting room. That was comforting, to know we had a safe place for this to happen.

In my head, this procedure went as follows: We arrive, tell the front desk why we are there, and they keep us there to wait at the desk. A man in his near 80's arrives, with shaking hands, with a tiny cardboard box, where "seymour" was written on the top in a scribbly, almost unreadable way. He hands over the box, and walks away, murmoring his to do list. Then we are given the certificates in an envelope, and told that was everything, and we were free to go. I was oh so wrong.

A nurse from Labor and Deliver walked in. I always seem to have to "search" for the right facial expession. I don't want to seem to happy, but I'm not sad... I'm recieving my childs remains. Should I be sad? I struggled for a second before I just decided that i should just smile. She, seemed to not know what to do or say, also. She introduced herself, and asked for my ID. Then she gave me the certificate and box, and took my ID to photo-copy, after giving her condolences. My husband asked about a death certifcate, and she told him we would have to call tomorow, as the lady who deals with that is out, and she really wasn't sure. I can't explain it, but the moment that box hit my hands, I felt whole. She was finally with me again, after 2 and a half weeks.

My husband was the first to open the box, and then he asked if I wanted to see. It wasn't what we expected. He expected a lot less, I expected a lot less. The box is woden, with a hinge, and tiny latch. Taped to the top was an envelope with her name, and a certificate stating that the ashes were hers. In the box was a bag that could fill my hand, with white and gray "ashes". To me, they looked like broken shells. Around the bag was a metal tag with the Funeral homes name, and a number that matched the numbe on the certificate. My worries for where we would have her ashes taken to fill our urn and necklaces is now gone. We had the name of where she was cremated.

The drive back was good. When we drove home from the hospital that night, after giving bith to our Sophia, a song came on the radio. Sanctus Real, Pray. I remember when that song started, both my husband and I stopped talking. The words sunk in, and I felt peace for the first time that day. Our drive home with her ashes, that song played. I couldn't help but smile. The song directly after it was the song a dear friend posted on our wall once the news hit facebook. Tenth Avenue North, Worn. How. HOW could those two songs play within the twenty minute drive taking our daughters ashes home. God is how. I cried a bit, knowing how real he is to me now. Knowing that our daughter is safe in his arms, and he is always letting us know. Today, there was a butterfly outside of our door all morning before I woke up, and I was able to take photos before it flew away to a nearby bush. My mom said it was Sophia, letting us know she was coming home today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-METBrlP3xU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Im2M4_8wfkQ