Loving Your Neighbor as thyself.

People are, who they are.
People don't change when others around them change.. they only change when they choose to.
Sad Truth.
You can be in a Coma, and visitors will come... but when they leave, they are walking the same paths they did before, unless they decide to do something.

Sophia has changed our hearts. We no longer pray for "OUR" will. It's now a proven fact that we have no idea what is good for us. We believed, that having our daughter home with us would make our family "better". "Perfect". "whole". We still long for another child, but not because we want our family to be perfect. We long for another child because we know God needs our warriors fighting on his side, either on earth or in heaven. If we get blessed with feeling that warrior move, or seeing their face, or raising them for a short time on this earth... we want that. We pray for that. Our families view on the world has altered so much... but we are still human. We still cry. We still "wish"... and we still hope. But mostly... we feel. We feel like never before. Hapiness is that "blondie" hapiness I talked about before... so joyous, pure, rich. Our sadness is just as full and deep. Thankfully, God never leaves our side.

This morning, I was confronted by a man on our street.. Okay. For the sake of argument... a boy. His wife had just had their third daughter last wednesday, and all weekend as I missed Sophia, worried about her Urn, and dealt with cleaning out the closet that had the last of the girl nursery items in it, i realized that the bus stop would probably hold a tiny baby girl. It wasn't jealousy, or anger... or even really hurt. I just couldn't take the insensitivity of THAT family.. sitting there with their daughter they had complained about for 9 months. She didn't want to get pregnant again.. it was a surprise.. He wanted a boy... She was definately not... and they are Overwhelmingly selfish in their speaking. On that day.. I just could NOT bear to sit by them... or talk. For two weeks I listened to pregnancy and Labor "laws and rules" while my friends and I spoke of my families hopes for our future pregnancies... and how I was "Wrong" on things I wasn't... How she knew "Exactly" how I felt.. though she didn't. I just couldn't take it. SO. When they sat down, after debating in my head, I got up, and walked away to stand where I could cry for that little girl who's parents know no compassion... and for my daughter who I so wish I could hold just one more time.

It took a lot of letters being torn up for me to reach a sad conclusion. People don't change. Nothing I say.. write.. or do will change the fact that they do not think anything of me. I'm Okay with that. Frankly, the only thing I pray for them, is that their girls know true love. (Back story, this same "man" asked me last year what I would do if my son died because he was running on the SIDEWALK pretending the race the cars... that were an entire bus lane away...)

Lets side track so I can answer that question. I'd Grieve. I'd cry, and I'd rejoice that my son knew God, and that he died doing the one thing he loves.. running. I'd praise God for every step he had on my heart and on others.. and I'd thank him for the moments I got to be his mom. I'd survive. I'd live as well as I could for my son. And, I'd remember you asking this question, and I'd cry for you. For your ignorance to the real meaning of life.. and for your inability to see past your OWN fears. MY son was running. God's son was running. If God wanted him gone, he would have made him fall, and roll the twenty feet into oncoming traffic. My God, is good.

Back to Today. He confronted me about walking away. "Did I say something inapropriate to your son?" I originally thought he had no idea what we had gone through, so I asked if his wife hadn't told him the story. HIS Response... "Yes, she did. She thought that might be part of the reason, but MY wife and daughter aren't to Blame."
Internally I lost it.

Selfish much? "Did Iiiiii..." "MY Wife and daughter aren't"... excuse me.
I said nothing. I just nodded, with a distraught look on my face, and laughed as he walked off in complete disbelief. DID those words just seriously come out of his mouth.

Let me tell you a bit about life. I walked away because I didn't want to CRY infront of you both.. because God-forbid you have no idea how to say a NICE thing at all and make the entire situation even more uncomfortable. I didn't want to make YOU uncomfortable. I'm already uncomfortable.. all the time... but seriously?? Your wife and daughter aren't to blame?? You think I even THINK about that???

This is when I began to realize... He is the same "boy" as last year.. and his wife is going to be the same ignorant to anything that doesn't pertain to her, but has a story for it, girl she has always been since day one.

And I have 2 jobs. Love them. Love their girls. Thats it. No requirements to sit and talk.. no requirements to obsess over their new daughter.. No requirements to be their friend. Just Love them.

It breaks my heart that they have no compassion... It made me physically ill thinking of this all day.. those poor girls who will grow up and have to learn to love others from people other than their parents... but I cannot change that. What I can change, is how it affects me.

^^Did you read the anger before... could you feel how upset I was. I was. I was angry.. but I'm not now. 6 hours later I realize I let THEM make me upset for 6 hours. For 6 hours I wondered HOW to make them see their mistakes... and then... "forgiveness" popped in my head.

"It's the hardest thing to give away, the last thing on your mind today, It always goes to those who don't deserve"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lu5udXEZI

I have to remember my purpose. My purpose isn't to be RIGHT. It's not to tell someone they are wrong. It's to love. Love like God and Jesus love us. Love like I would have loved my daughter.. and Love like I love my boys, and our angels. I have to live without fear, because anger is just a result of fear. Fear that they won't ever understand.. fear that I will never be able to get past words.. fear that I can't.

So. As hard as it is to swollow my pride.. I have to thank God that I know true love. I have to thank God for choosing me to give a piece of heaven too, even for a short time. I have to believe that their actions weren't to harm.. but just out of complete un-understanding. I have to pray that some day, they can have their hearts changed... and I pray its never the way mine was. I also pray to be humbled that last year... I was ignorant. I was soo soo ingnorant. Thank Jesus I'm not now. At least, not to this.

Loving your neighbor isn't always easy, but God so loved. He loves us all.
Even the boy who doesn't quite know how to get over his life just yet.