Why not me.

It seems to be a never ending theme here in the world of re-life.
The people within my support groups, and heck, myself last year, all wanting to know the same question.

WHY us? WHY not them? WHY me?

Well. Why not us?

It's the forever-never-ending game of "I'm soo much better than they are."
We do that. As human beings, we judge, and unfortunately.. we are on the highest pedestal.
"Sally got a promotion IIII deserved."
"My brother is ALWAYS the first to get ice cream. Why can't I have the first scoop?"
"When grandpa died, I was supposed to get the pool sticks. Why did Ben get them?"
NOTHING in life is fair.
But most importantly, there is nothing in this life we deserve.

Why not?

Because we were made for something so much greater than this. Earth was supposed to be the first heaven. Our Sanctuary from all evil, but as humans do, we bought into a lie. One lie, that one bite wouldn't hurt.

I constantly think of the story of Adam an Eve, and the bantar we have of who's fault it was really, and how Adam allowed Eve to do it, so really men should suffer.

Are we getting the picture here?

We will forever feel like we are superior to everyone else.
We know more, say more, do more, think more, look more, feel more, have more, have less which really means we have more, pray more, study more, run more, work out more, call more, text more... NEVER ending.

And why? Why do we constantly play this we are better than you game? Because we were MEANT to be. We will constantly feel inferior to others on some level, and inferior to ourselves on MOST, because we were not meant to live in this world. We were not meant to sin.

We were not meant to feel pain.
We weren't meant to run marathons.
We weren't meant to cook food better than our moms to gain our husbands approval.
We weren't meant to pick up the toys and dust.
We were never meant to lose those we love.
We were never meant to be this kind of living.

I think the biggest things we have to realize, is that everyone carries burdens. Everyone has lost something they've held dear... and have had dreams ripped away. Not everyone can say their dream is as important as another, but each dream lost causes some grief. Some disapointment. Some questioning of God and life and all that is of it and within it. We cannot judge who deserves to feel the worse of it, or the least of it. JUST because you are a great parent, doesn't mean you deserve to have all your children go through the pain of earthly life. JUST because you work 9-6:30 and always show up to meetings on time, doesn't mean you have the BEST skill set, the BEST insight, and the BEST leadership to "deserve" that promotion. And, JUST because you pray daily, for the same things, doesn't mean that you "deserve" God's love.. his ear... his heart.. and his arms.

God is the one thing in this that is constant. We do not deserve God. But he is ours. We are his. It's so hard to move past who deserves what here on Earth, and to realize, we all deserve the same thing.

We can't keep tearing eachother down for the things we do better than the other. Those things won't matter in eternity. My "fake 5 guys" burgers my husband loves so much, won't stand up to anything God has in store. That CEO position that will take you away from your family, and out of those awkward problems you have there, won't matter any when the time comes. No ones tombstone reads "Best darn pie maker in the county." or "CEO of Random World Inc. for 2 years." No one carries those titles for long, and those things aren't what people truely remember.

LOVE is what people remember.

"Most beloved husband" "Most faithful servant" "Beloved Daughter" "Beloved son" "Forever loved"

Why me?

Why did I have to suffer losing yet another baby. Why Sophia?

I needed to be reminded that here.. this world.. is so fake. It's not where I'm meant to be. Her nursery was so perfect. Her clothes were set until she was three. She was so wanted. So loved, and always will be. I needed to feel that Love. I needed to feel again. I needed to know God was there.

No matter if you think you don't deserve whatever pain it is you are going through, I can promise you that is the most accurate statement. We don't deserve to feel pain. We don't deserve any of this... but there is SUCH Joy in knowing God, and knowing love.

Sometimes, having things ripped away so unexpectedly, is the only way you can truely value them.

I can honestly say, the love I have for my daughter, is never ending.
And I pray, I can have that love for every person I meet in this world.
I pray, that I never forget a face.
Because no one deserves to ever be forgotten, unloved, hurt, or blamed.
All you need is love. The Beatles knew a thing or two.